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Is love really blind,
or is it just me being robbed for eyesight?
Life and death, side by side
An old musician was walking in a street when he saw a little shop with the sign: “Musical pets”. With great curiosity, he walked in and saw a beautiful parrot: big, elegant and with a green, yellow, red and blue plumage. He was really impressed and decided to buy it.
The dealer said: “Good choice! It’s $10,000”
“$10,000!? “— Replied the old man — “Why is it so expensive?”
“This beautiful parrot can sing all Mozart Arias by heart!”
“Really? Amazing but it’s really a bit too much for me “ when he said these words he noticed another parrot, a bit smaller than the other and less colored. “It must be cheaper,” he thought so he asked the price to the shop owner.
“Oh, That parrot costs $20,000”
“$20,000!“ - said, the customer shocked “Why?”
“Besides all Mozart, it can sing also all Wagner and Verdi Operas....
“Astonishing, but it’s really too much, listen that little, ugly, all black parrot there in the corner it MUST be cheaper, right, how much is it?
“Well, that is $100,000”
“What?! exclaimed the poor man, totally upset - "What can it do?"
"Oh, actually it can do nothing but all the others call him MAESTRO!"
Due to environmental toxins present in conductor feeding areas such as heavy metals, oily residue from intensive PR machinery manufacturer and extraordinarily high concentrations of E. coli, cryptosporidium and other hazardous organisms associated with animal waste, the Department for Conductor Decimation (DCD) recommends that consumption of conductors be limited to one per season.
What do violists use for birth control?
Their personalities.
MUSICAL OFFENSES FINE
[ ]Playing loudly during warm up $10
[ ]Sound-checking amp with funk slapping $25
[ ]Loud cursing after mistake $10
[ ]Playing high and fast after mistake $20
[ ]Practicing 2-handed tapping between tunes $20
[ ]Asking for "E" tuning note $25
[ ]Playing E anyway when horns tune to Bb $50
[ ]Playing written-out walking line $50
[ ]Failure to play written walking line $75
[ ]Writing note names over ledger-line notes $50
[ ]Writing beat numbers under dotted figures $50
[ ]Playing eighth notes $5 each
[ ]Playing sixteenth notes $10 each
[ ]Playing above 1st octave immediate dismissal
[ ]Dragging fast tempo $75
[ ]Dragging ballad tempo $100
[ ]Blacking out during ballad $200
[ ]Ignoring drummer's tempo $100
[ ]Following drummer's tempo $250
[ ]Asking to borrow Real Book for All Of Me $1000
UPRIGHT PLAYERS
[ ]Showing up before first downbeat $25
[ ]Playing audibly $25
[ ]Faking changes $25
[ ]Slapping $150
[ ]Missing tutti lick, then mentioning vintage of bass $25
[ ]Excessive sweating $25
[ ]Pedal point double-stops during horn solo $50
[ ]Asking leader for a solo $30
[ ]Accepting solo when offered $50
[ ]Taking second chorus $100
[ ]Playing solo arco $400
[ ]Pretending to check tuning after playing out of tune $100
[ ]Playing "A Train" ending on every tune $200
[ ]Playing extended "A Train" ending on every tune $500
ELECTRIC PLAYERS
[ ]Checking hair between tunes $15
[ ]Experimenting with odd meters $25
[ ]Missing root at end of blistering fill $25
[ ]Playing with a pick $50
[ ]Tuning during ballad $30
[ ]Playing Jaco groove on samba $75
[ ]Playing Jaco samba groove on ballad $150
[ ]Attempting last word on final chord $50
[ ]Achieving last word on final chord $100
[ ]Long gliss down to final note $200
EQUIPMENT VIOLATIONS - ELECTRIC
[ ]Forgetting strap $10
[ ]Changing strings after every set $15
[ ]Using electric tuner $15
[ ]Setting up mic "just in case" $75
[ ]Forgetting to turn amp on $40
[ ]Bringing amp larger than 1 person can carry in 1 trip $50
[ ]Asking horn player for help moving amp $25
[ ]Bringing custom-made bass $100 per string above 4
[ ]Bringing more than 1 bass $100 per extra bass
[ ]Skull decals on bass $150
[ ]Bringing fretless bass $500
CRIMINAL BAD TASTE
[ ]Telling bone player about all the gigs you get $10
[ ]Asking bone player about their day gig $10
[ ]Sitting behind drums on break $10
[ ]Quoting "Birdland" $25
[ ]Practicing scales during break $25
[ ]Practicing scales during drum solo $50
[ ]Practicing $150
[ ]Beginning a sentence with "When I was a guitar player..." $50
[ ]Casually mentioning to Musical Director of cheap theater that you are "into sequencing" $10
BASIC STUPIDITY
[ ]Wearing old Buddy Rich tour shirt $10
[ ]Wearing new Whitesnake tour shirt $20
[ ]Asking when the rock set starts $20
[ ]Continually asking "where are we?" $25
[ ]Continually shouting "Yeah!" $25
[ ]Asking bone player where "1" is $50
[ ]Taking cellphone call during 4's $100
På min rangeringsliste er Verdis Rekviem ikke bare den mest vellykkede av alle de kjente dødsmessene, men også et av de beste verkene overhode. Det skal mye til for å rokke ved dette, siden verket så å si spiller seg selv uten store fortolkningsrom. Dette er musikk gjennomvevet av mening og med nervetråder som strekker seg fra langt inn i kjernen til helt utenpå huden.
Det store apparatet som var i sving i Grieghallen visste også å la oss føle på det sensitive, helt uten mellomlegg, i en av de aller mest sårbare åpninger (Requiem Aeternam) jeg har hørt. Tårene presset seg frem fra første tone. Et sensasjonelt kor, et våkent orkester og solister som kunne sin Verdi sendte trøstende varmebølger ut i salen som lyttet intenst og medrevet.
Solistene er sentrale i Verdis Rekviem og partituret krever jammen sin sanger. Med hver sin særegne personlighet maktet solistkvartetten å tilføre den musikalske fortellingen nye karakterer. Men spesielt Elena Bocharova med sin gyldenmørke stemme sto frem som selve essensen i all hjertevarmen. Hun var den som gjorde en forskjell og som bar lange strekk egenhendig.
Det sto heller ikke på innsatsen i orkesteret, men det er og blir koret, med suveren kontroll og smittende musikalitet, som tar den gjeveste prisen. Fra dommedags desperasjon i all sin vrede via intrikate fuger til det aller svakeste. Hatten av.
Man kunne kanskje ha ønsket seg et like intenst nærvær i hele fremførelsen som i «Tuba Mirum» med trompeter plassert i salen for å liksom understreke hvilken totalopplevelse det dreier seg om. Slike grep har en tendens til å skape dramaturgisk ubalanse. Men i etterkant hadde denne fremførelsen for mange sterke kort på hånden til at de noe svakere utført partiene klarer å trekke ned. Det er bare å gratulere radarparet Håkon Matti Skrede og Andrew Litton med nok en glimrende mammutfremføring.
GLENN ERIK HAUGLAND
BA skriver følgende om koret.
Det mektige koret var noe av det som imponerte mest denne kvelden, hvor de behersket hele spekteret fra pianissimo opp til et rungende fortissimo. Her hadde kormester Håkon Matti Skrede gjort en innsats det står respekt av"
Så vi har all grunn til å sveve litt rundt på en sky i disse adventsdager
Nå er det maskeradetid igjen. I den store gryten blandes løgn og sannhet i riktige mengder for å tilfredstille DEM. De på innsiden, de som dømmer og sårer uten at sporene synes.
Og jeg vet hvilken rolle jeg må ta på meg. Tåren som ligger i øyekroken tørker jeg hurtig vekk, de må aldri få vite, noensinne.
Men tårene av blod i mitt indre lar seg aldri tørke bort. De tærer på sjelen til denne går i oppløsning.
Og da er jeg bortenfor all redning.
I have but one
request to ask
at my departure
from this world
– it is the
charity of its
silence.
Let no man write
my epitaph.
No man can write
my epitaph,
for as no man who
knows my motives
and character
dares now to
vindicate them,
let not prejudice
or ignorance
asperse them.
Let them rest in
obscurity and
peace until other
times and other
men can do justice
to them. When my
country takes her
place among the
nations of the
earth, then shall
my character be
vindicated, then
may my epitaph be
written.